In the Office

What if pirates wrote their own news headlines?

A while ago I read an article on another pirate hijacking that mentioned a pirate spokesperson.  My immediate reaction was – “Pirates have spokespeople that respond to media?!  How do I get this job?”  Next thought was – “Wait, I would probably have to endanger my life to get that job…” Needless to say, I did not do additional research about becoming a pirate spokesperson.

This got me thinking…what would pirates write if they could write their own headline?
•    Pirates hijack ship, demand four million dollars in ransom
•    Pirates bring ship to shore, ask for four million dollars to compensate for their efforts
•    Pirates rescue ship, need compensation for rescue expenses

•    Seamen rescue stranded ship, request four million dollars to cover their rescue expenses